Friday, August 15, 2008

Jennifer Aniston Stars in Dee Plump-Up

Vat to do ven da hol' vorld votches vit bated breath?

As da fling vit John Mayer vas ending, dis vas dee question plaguing "unlucky een love" Jennifer Aniston.


"Ve are goinck to plump... (clap) ...YOU UP!"

Just days before Aniston's publicist announced the end of her summer fling with John Mayer, Star Magazine snapped a puffy cupids bow peppering her pout. Preparation for the inevitable crush of media, no doubt. What better way to compensate for looks of pity and mocking text messages than with an eye-shocking fakeover?

Makeover? Pshaw! So yesterday. Only pure unadulterated collagen injections will do for the heart-broken pouts of Hollywood.

Saving face must be Aniston's primary concern in the ensuing media frenzy. Circling the wagons, confidant spinmeisters set the record straight over who did the dumping.

It was 'Jen who decided to move on,' says an unreported source. 'She is very fond of John and has thought he might be the one. She finds him funny, sexy and very talented. ... Plus he understands all the aspects of living in a fishbowl. But in the final analysis, she just got tired of his roving eye.'
Whew. That takes a load off my mind. So glad the infidelity precipitating her decision wasn't Mayer's way of taking the easy way out.

But, hey, bursting Aniston's healing bubble wouldn't be cool. Not while she's so obviously tender and vulnerable. Taking solace in being the dumper rather than the dumpee is a far better way of coping than going under the knife.

Why bother when so much of her is already plastic?