Monday, August 11, 2008

The George Clooney Curse, Lohan Christian Values, and Other Celebolitic Shorts

Honest Abe awaits his close up on the red carpet
This site isn't the only one mixing up politics and celebrities. In today's "Bastard Child," a sampling of mutant celebolitic spawn from around the country.

Does dating George Clooney cause a curse on future hapiness? Yes, according to Britain's Next Top Model judge Lisa Snowden. "It's not something I planned but I just don't get asked out any more. Men seem to look at me and think, 'She went out with George Clooney, what chance have I got?'" The 36-year old model also says her five year on-again-off-again relationship with Clooney hurt her career.

Australian Idol winner Kate DeAraugo won't be hawking diet products on behalf of weight loss conglomerate Jenny Craig. Citing "personal health issues," the break-out star is otherwise mum about the reason for the split.

Actor Richard Dreyfus wants his money back. In a lawsuit filed last Friday against his father and uncle, Dreyfus claims damages of $870,000.

Michael Lohan says his Christian faith would prevent him from giving away famous daughter Lindsay in a gay wedding ceremony. When discussing Lindsay's public love affair with DJ Samantha Ronson, Lohan insists he wants his daughter "to be happy." Guess that Christian faith didn't get in the way of puportedly fathering Lindsay's illegitimate half-sister Ashley.

The "Lonely Loony" aka the "Lusty Lord of the Manor of Warleigh" David Piper, who once advertised for a Lady of the Manor and attracted applications from all around the world, is selling "his whole life" on eBay and hasn't ruled out the possibility of throwing himself into the bargain.

I pity the fool who thinks Mr. T is homophobic. Nevertheless, T pelted a wiggling yellow clad speed walker with candy bars, screaming "You are a disgrace to the man race. It's time to run like a real man" and "Get some nuts!" in a UK Snickers commercial. The ad was pulled after gay rights groups complained.

A dispute over a 1988 film of the late Rodney Dangerfield has been settled. Dangerfield's daughter, Melanie Roy-Friedman, allowed Comedy Central to air the master copy of her father's act without permission from stepmother Joan. Under the terms of settlement all copyrights to Dangerfield's act are held by his widow, Joan Dangerfield.

The upcoming Democratic National Convention promises a roster of stars reading like a Hollywood premiere. Big name celebrities are expected to attend parties hosted by AT&T, MTV, and Rock The Vote. Kanye West, Wyclef Jean, the rap/rock fusion band N.E.R.D., Ben Affleck, Scarlett Johansson, Warren Beatty, Annette Bening, Forrest Whitaker, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Cheryl Hines, and Ed Norton Jr. are just a few of the A-Listers convention spokesman Chris Lopez will neither confirm nor deny are on the guest list.

Can't decide who to vote for in the upcoming presidential election? Why bother with political platforms when pop culture icons might influence the vote? John McCain favors Batman, ABBA, Roy Orbison, Linda Ronstadt, Usher, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Seinfeld, Dexter, Indian Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and Dennis Hasbert in 24. Barack Obama favors Batman, Spiderman, Frank Sinatra, Bob Dylan, Sheryl Crow, John Coltrane, M*A*S*H, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Shrek the Third, and Jeff Bridges in The Contender.