Thursday, August 9, 2007

Wyatt Steven Crow is Sheryl's Son - Period

Dear Wyatt Steven Crow:

I heard through the grapevine about your birth on Sunday, April 29, 2007. Welcome and congratulations.

I don’t know what they told you in heaven, but planet earth isn’t all that. We’ve got our share of problems. You, on the other hand, have your whole life ahead of you. Just relax and enjoy. Nothing beats having your every whim met, every need satisfied, every desire satiated 24/7. This very well may be the best time of your life.

A most unhappy coupleBefore your arrival, your mom, the very famous, conservation conscious, successful singer-songwriter Sheryl Crow, went through a pretty rough patch. I know all about how she thought she might marry the athlete of her dreams and become an instant stepmother, only to realize she had chosen a self-centered clod. I think that was after her cancer diagnosis, but crafty woman that she is, she probably deluded the press into believing the break-up happened before. No matter. Speculation is pointless and the truth is between her and Mr. Nobody.

I also know about the fizzle of your mom’s biological clock due in part to the pursuit of her career. Please don’t hold that against her. I’d be ecstatic with just half of her career accomplishments. Unfortunately, that kind of success often comes with a price. Women from my generation were told we could have it all: successful careers, beautiful well-adjusted children, and the man of our dreams. Wyatt, I don’t know a lot of women who won this trifecta. Something somewhere had to give. For your mom, it was babies. At least that’s the rumor.

Soon enough, you will learn your talented and beautiful mom is not your birth mother. This is a fact every adopted child has a right to know and as far as I’m concerned, the sooner the better. Personally, I think it’s no big deal, but I must be in the minority. Everywhere I look, the print media is making a point to refer to you as Sheryl Crow’s “adopted baby” or “adopted son.” As if someone had issued an edict from the top down and no one dare disobey.

Research has shown adoption can be an early life stressor causing personality disorders and adjustment difficulties in children, especially boys. Putting aside your status as an adopted child of a famous celebrity, which must certainly increase the probability of future difficulties, it seems to me, Wyatt, that you are especially vulnerable.

That’s why I go medieval whenever I see the media going out of its way to remind everyone you are, in fact, adopted. This constant barrage of labeling must stop. Otherwise, I may blow a gasket. Dear sweet Wyatt, I need your help. First and foremost, please make this book required reading for anyone writing anything about you. I’ll deal with the rest later.

Sheryl craddling young Wyatt Babies are an incredibly special gift and responsibility, wherever they come from. What really matters is how they are raised. As a mother, I can definitively say that your mom has her work cut out for her. Let’s hope that with forty-five years of life experience under her belt, she’s ready to get down and dirty.

I wish you and your family the best of the best. You should only grow to be a fine young man and productive member of society. Never forget, you were chosen. That’s more than a lot of us can say.

Sincerely Yours,

Cheryl Snyder Taragin

P.S. Tell your mom I still intend to use as much toilet paper as necessary, although I appreciate her earnest attempt to stop global warming.

P.S.S. Tell your mom it’s spelled with a “C.”