Monday, July 30, 2007

The Nada, Nothing, Zip of Writer's Block

I'm certain this happens to the best of bloggers. You have an idea. You sit down to write. A few lines come out and then, nada, nothing, zip. You stare into the abyss. And wait. Maybe you get up, walk around, touch your toes (if you can still see them). Perhaps you're inspired to open the fridge, make a sandwich, and chow down. Still nada, nothing, zip. Tick tock, tick, tock. The theme song from Jeopardy! plays in the background. Finally, desperation sinks in.

Photo courtesy of mymedia.thelot.comPerhaps a little diversion would help...

Now, here's where things gets a little dicey. Only you yourself know what will happen if you distract yourself. If you're like me and think you can handle it, I guarantee you will spend the rest of the morning, or afternoon, or whenever it is you and your PC get cozy, doing anything and everything under the sun except completing your article.

Words of advice: Don't be like me!

Procrastination is very unhealthy. It often leads to massive amounts of unproductive time in front of the PC. This is especially frustrating when one could be doing something fun, like sleeping. Distraction can only cure writer's block if one gets back on track in about fifteen minutes or less. Otherwise, engaging in distracting activities can and often does lead to disastrous consequences.

Like, happening upon a site like this. I cannot believe the audacity of this webmaster and anyone else who multi-level markets this site. Don't sheeple realize if they can buy this, so can a billion others? And if a billion people are trying to peddle something seemingly similar, well then, I'd have to say, at very best, they're peddling poo. But seen in the worst possible light, they're peddling plagiarism. I'm not very good at marketing, but even I can affirmatively state, poo and plagiarism don't sell.

Aren't they teaching anything worthwhile in school these days?

Oh sure. Appeal to people's baser instincts when they're at their weakest. They can't think, they've tried for hours, they've even taken the dog for a walk and cleaned the guinea pig's cage. Still, nada, nothing, zip. Is there anything a frustrated writer can do to cure this malaise?

According to the blogoshpere, plenty. If you don't mind spy ware pop up ads, try The One Word. That ought to do the trick. Or, try this handy dandy educational tutorial. I especially like the suggestion about concentrating, as if that could help when entering the writer's block zone. Doesn't excessive concentration get most people into trouble in the first place? What about the ever reliable Write-O-Matic!? Be careful, though. I hear that one has a possible patent pending. Finally, and my personal favorite, About will lure you with a tantalizing promise of creative writing exercises, then send you to a page with nothing but advertising links. If I could convince newbs to visit pay-per-click sites, why should I care a lick about writer's block? Next.

Sometimes, I happen upon an enjoyable distraction, but that doesn't happen very often. Problem is, that kind of distraction just doesn't help. When I'm done clicking all the funky buttons and examining the minute detail of myriad images, I've still got nada, nothing, zip.

Argh! I'm beginning to go pirate, whatever that means.

Yeah. Wait a blocking minute. That's the ticket! I'll pirate, pillage, and plunge. But I won't let people know I'm doing it. I'll be a little tricky, let them think they're getting good online exposure and making helpful connections. Then, I'll develop a sister site for contests. I'll make unsuspecting bloggers think I just happened upon it and get them wrapped up in the hype. So cool.

Writer's block, shmiter's block. Who needs to write when there are so many easier ways to make money online?