Honestly, I was hoping to avoid this. Don't you just hate when you visit a blog expecting to find good stuff and instead there's this final article? A final article directing you somewhere else?
Yeah, I hate that too. Which is why I've been holding off doing this. But the truth is, I shouldn't have waited so long.
It's become too difficult to write for The Spewker and my page at Examiner.com. For that reason, this blog has been temporarily suspended effective immediately. I may eventually come to regret this decision, but time constraints leave me no other choice.
Look at it this way, I'll still be doing juicy celebrity dish, original celebrity interviews, and reporting the Baltimore-Washington celebrity scene ... just not from here. At least not for now. Maybe when life becomes less hectic and there's more time I'll be back. Could happen. Don't rule it out.
In the meantime, The Spewker will continue to publish Twitter updates and new videos from time to time, but yeah, the blog has moved here.
The Baltimore Celebrity Examiner. Has a nice ring to it, don't ya think?
Monday, December 1, 2008
Meet the New Baltimore Celebrity Examiner
Monday, November 24, 2008
Save the Cheerleader, Save the World from Hottest Tots and Celebrity Couples
Forbes' Hottest Hollywood Tots is such a crock of publicity horse cocky, I want to steam myself under a hot shower for the next fifteen minutes just to loosen the dibbles.
Joel McHale said exactly what was on my mind - why in the world is Forbes magazine venturing into the world of celebrity fluffaby? Did editors throw the financial sector overboard now that America is knee deep in meltdown economics?
"Oh, we can't break even publishing financial pontifications. Let's add a celebrity toddlers hot or not contest. That'll bring in people clicking like mad."
You'd better believe I'm mad, uptight and mad's more like it. Mad that I had to click through five crappy millileters each time I wanted more information about the listed tots. Boy, Forbes' stuff must really be in the toilet to milk so much out of celebrity gossip.
So I'm ending the shennanigans right now by printing their ridiculous exercise in self-preservation, saving you, dear reader, the torture of suffering through another gazilllion of pages from hell.
10. Samantha Sheen (Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen)
9. Sean and Preston Federline (Britney and Fed-Ex)
8. David Banda (Madonna)
7. Matilda Rose Ledger (Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger)
6. Cruz Beckham (Posh and Becks)
5. Sam Alexis Woods (Tiger and Elin Woods)
4-2. Pax, Zahara, and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt (in that order)(Brangelina)
1. Suri Cruise (TomKat)
And as long as we're on the subject, I have only this to ask ... WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?
How could anyone in their right mind include tug-of-war toy David Banda but omit Kingston Rossdale? Or Johan Samuel? Or Harlow Winter Kate Madden, for that matter?
And what about the inferiority complexes foisted upon helpless and defenseless celebritots who through no fault of their own are subjected to arbitrary and capricious rejection every time they hear the name "Forbes?" It's not like these children ask to be paraded around like a traveling museum. The least we can do is feign a little respect for their privacy.
Not so when it comes to 2008's Best and Worst Celebrity Couples list. You'll also slog through a ton of advertising, but at the end of the day, won't feel any worse for the wear.
Unlike hot to trot celebritots, there's the trade-off component of choosing a profession that unfolds in the public eye. Celebrities expect and anticipate a certain amount of ogle. It's the American way, for goodness sake!
For those reasons and the fact that only one couple per family posted in the best and worst section, no spoilers about 2008's Best and Worse. Go ahead, get your hands dirty.
I won't tell if you won't.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Scary Obsessed Fan Rattles Brad Pitt on Oprah
Yesterday, I got a long hard look at myself in the TV set. It was not by any means a pretty sight.
Brad Pitt returned to the set of Oprah plugging the Christmas Day release of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, a movie about a New Orleans man who ages backwards. I hear the special effects are to die for. Heck, the movie was in post-production for almost a year.
Aside from styling reminiscent of the late Clark Gable, Pitt filled the studio with the twinkle of Hollywood stardust, what I call the magic of Hollywood. He’s a person, yes, like everyone else, but with killer good looks and notable acting talent. I hardly ever watch daytime television, but this was one show I wanted to see as it aired.That Oprah, I have to hand it to her. She’s now peppering celebrity interviews with home audience questions via Skype. These are not your grandmother’s cheesy call-ins with background pictures but real time webcam "I see you, you see me" exchanges. Skype definitely made the show more engaging. One bride-to-be appeared in her bedroom with a bed full of family and friends.
Top of the heap in clout and earning power, Pitt stands toe to toe with the greats, actors admired for craft and popularity not necessarily due to peer recognition, but for opening movies and resonating with a crowd. He’s a big fish in a huge pond glutted with wannabes. Everyone wants a piece of him no matter how those pieces are derived.
The Q and A ran rather smoothly until Christina from Ontario questioned Pitt about his body tattoos. At that point, the exchange turned on its head.
(video may be removed due to copyright and if so, don’t count on a replacement)
In the first place, Christina knew way too much about Pitt for comfort, like prey studied by stalker before ambush. Clearly, Pitt became very uncomfortable, refusing to divulge any personal information or put his tats on display. It was comical, really, in a "Lady, who are you and why do you know so much about my ice man tattoo?" kind of way. Then suddenly, it felt kind of scary. Poor Christina, I could see she felt it too.
At that moment, I glimpsed my reflection. Figuratively speaking of course, but no less startling. I too feed off Hollywood minutiae, petty details of lives steeped in fantasy glamour. What’s the harm in wanting to see a decorated body part? Why even decorate if not to show off?
As Pitt lamented the ever present din of paparazzi, as well as fences and walls he would rather remove but requires for privacy, I too wanted the inside scoop. As if answering Christina’s question might reveal the essence of this movie star’s shine, I really wanted to know about his tats. So did Oprah, though immediately after gentle prodding she backed down.
Despite being offensive or intrusive, Pitt owed a better answer to his fans. He chose acting for his livelihood and should expect people crossing the line. Without fans who feed off his star power, he’s like any other bit player on Broadway.
On the other hand, I can’t imagine what it must be like to live in a fish bowl. The constant presence of cameras and strangers approaching wherever one goes must be unnerving. Can a fan’s desire to connect go too far?
At the end of the day, none of it matters, gossip tidbits or glitterati lives. Hearing Pitt speak about his children, life with Angie, or his Benjamin Buttons co-star, the fabulous Cate Blanchett, another guest on the show, won’t change the world or cure cancer. It’s entertainment like a good book or a day at the races, nothing more than fleeting fancy to pass the time.
Bedheaded Winona Ryder Falls Ill on Trans-Continental Flight
Willowy "never can seem to get her act together" Winona Ryder was rushed on a stretcher to Hillingdon Hospital in West London, England after passing out aboard British Airways. The flight was en route to Heathrow Airport from LAX.
When it became clear a female passenger -- presumably Ryder -- "required medical attention," the flight crew requested priority landing. Ryder's publicist, Mara Buxbaum, said the actress was taken to the hospital only as a precaution and quickly released.
They can sanitize this one all they like and not convince me Ryder wasn't doped up on drugs. Pictures snapped at LAX show her clad from head to toe in black hiding sunglasses-obscured eyes. Some paparazzo managed to penetrate the barrier, revealing a tenuous and frail looking Ryder.
Daily Mail surmises an overdose of anti-anxiety medication, pointing to Ryder's well-established hatred for air travel. I'd say that's par for the course.
British Air doesn't call ahead for priority landing unless a passenger is seriously ill. Reportedly, Ryder fell unconscious while sitting down, slumping forward in her seat until help arrived. That's a far cry from the publicist's description of a woman in good health.
Clearly, the surrounding circumstances point to more than a brief illness. Ryder looked fragile and unhinged.
Instead of covering up the likely nature of Ryder's "illness," her publicist should be contacting producers of Celebrity Rehab.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Time for Joe Lieberman to Stop Straddling
Rejoice! Sanity has been restored to Washington.
Senate Democrats demonstrated admirable ability to move beyond party pettiness. Senator Joe Lieberman, vocal supporter of Republican Presidential Nominee John McCain, will keep his chairmanships of the Homeland Services and Governmental Affairs Committees.
And in a gesture of empowerment to its more liberal factions, Senate Majority Leaders removed Lieberman from the Environment and Public Works Committee, a mere wrist slap yet unmistakable sign of the times.
But let me get something straight. Lieberman, the Democrat running mate of Al Gore in the 2000 presidential election turned Independent in a 2006 bid to keep his Senate seat, remains a member of the Connecticut Democratic State Central Committee as well as a registered Democrat?
No wonder influential Connecticut Democrats are gunning to kick him out.
Politicians shouldn’t be allowed to govern as Independents while continuing to register with an opposing party. It’s like polygamy, or in this case bigamy, with Connecticut Democrats getting bitch slapped whenever Daddy plugs the other side.
I’m all for liberty, independent thinking, and voting one’s conscious, but when those actions threaten the agenda of your registered party, it’s time to move on. Willingly or with a friendly shove.
It’s time for Lieberman to stand up for political integrity, not the self-serving politics we all so desperately wish to leave behind.
Some Barack Obama Firsts I Don't Want to Know
Barack Obama's historic win of the presidency was more than just an iconic moment in American history. It was a vindication of our core belief that anything is possible in the home of the free and the brave.
When wife Michelle, and daughters Malia and Sasha stand on the Capitol steps this January 20, 2009, beaming with pride as the first American of African descent -- President-Elect Barack Obama, their husband and father -- places his hand on the bible, swearing an oath of allegiance to the United States Constitution to uphold fundamental principles of fairness and liberty, the whole world will take stock of America's historic leap forward as we, the people, at last turn the page on one of the hardest fought victories in recent memory.
Still, I am humbly reminded that with every silver lining comes a cloud. You see, up until the precise moment of Obama's historic swearing in ceremony (and perhaps for a wee bit after), the entire world must endure a heavy burden indeed.
An unprecedented barrage of firsts.
The first time a major American newspaper endorses the Democratic Party's nominee for president.
The first time a man with African roots wins a presidential election.
The first time that man, Barack Obama, takes a top secret security level tour of the White House.
The first time the transition of a U.S. presidency is transparently documented on the Internet.
The first press conference of Barack Obama.
And on and on she goes. I'm not sure how much more I can stand. Come on, admit it. You're getting sick of it too.
I imagine there are will be many firsts for the new President-Elect, his family and for lack of a better word, entourage, but do we have to hear about every single one in mind-numbing detail? Here are a few I'd rather not:
-The first time Oprah Winfrey flies her entire studio audience to Washington, D.C. for the inauguration.
-The first time any type of stereotypical ethnic food is served on the White House menu.
-The first time a trash can basketball hoop is installed in the Oval Office.
-The first time Will.i.am and Obama Girl are invited to an official State Dinner.
-The first time an African-American White House staff member is mistaken for a member of the President's family.
-The first time President Obama and the First Lady rumple the sheets in the Lincoln Bedroom.
Okay. Okay. No flames. I know I went overboard on those last ones. Let's hope all the news outlets exercise greater restraint.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Top Ten Most Likely Types to Create Obnoxious Motrin Advertisement
Rather than nervously await the almost inevitable pink-slip, some advertising crony up and committed career suicide. Ah, just in time for the holidays.
I mean, who else would create a Motrin ad campaign vilifying baby carriers as hernia inducing torture chambers causing cuckoo bird crazy eyes to sprout on their child-cradling fashion victims?
Only a person without enough guts to ask for a long vacation. Or these top ten most likely types to create an obnoxious Motrin ad:
10. Self-hating embittered shrew who despises children, their cutesy noises, and smelly diaper leaks.
9. Neanderthal caveman from the popular GEICO ads.
8. Womanizing, power lusting, money grubbing playah with a madonna-slut complex.
7. New intern whose only creative talent is pleasuring the boss.
6. Aging hunchback who had her tubes tied about an hour after giving birth.
5. Perfectionist type-A super-achiever who brings home the bacon, fries it up in the pan, and never lets you forget you're a man.
4. Doormat push-over who can be talked into anything, including wearing a sling carrier to hold someone else's twenty-five pound baby during a trip to the mall.
3. Self-absorbed socially clueless ADHD person too busy maneuvering an unforgiving and perilous world.
2. Hermaphrodite.
1. Man living at home with his mother, seven cats, and one helluva post-nasal drip.
Is it too late to short sell JNJ?
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Start a 401K and Hope for the Best
Funny, I was thinking exactly the same thing last night while trying to balance my checkbook.
Problem was, the amount of money I have to balance wouldn't fill a kid's piggy bank. The recession is stretching its boney fingers around my neck like a creepy unrelenting death grip. Had to drink a strong cup of java just to distract myself.
Seeing kitty contemplate her windfall evoked a good giggle, reminding me once again the best things in life truly are free.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Neiman Marcusgate Threatens Future Candidacy of Sarah Palin
In the days following Election 2008's historic outcome, scads of Conservatives publicly bemoan rabid personal attacks against Republican V.P. nominee Sarah Palin and the failure of Senator John McCain, her vanquished running mate, to personally silence detractors.
They can't understand how McCain could defend his Democratic opponent, Barack Obama, at a campaign rally, yet allow what's considered malicious gossip to flourish against Governor Palin.
Well, I very well may have happened upon the most plausible explanation to date.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Republicans Impalin'
I am not one to gloat.
But can you imagine what would have happened if the American people were duped into sending McCain-Palin to the White House?
